just keep swimming just keep swimming

Three weeks into school now. And it is hard, really hard.
Time with my kids is not near enough, money is not near enough. But the classes are hard enough. The driving is insane. The homework is excessive. And I feel more alive than ever. I feel like I know the plan and I see the purpose and am excited to see it all unfolding each and everyday. My kids have been great. They miss me and it's hard for them but they understand and they encourage me to get my homework done. Ethan likes that he is done with his and I am still having to do mine. They really do understand that I am doing this for all of us. Not sure how the money thing will work out. I have had to give up shifts for classes, so I am pretty much flipping a coin to see which bill gets paid. Even that spurs me on, that's why my butt is back in school.

On another note!
When Harry and I spilt up five years ago. He walked down a path that he took on purpose to get away from God. More than I wanted him to come back to me I wanted him to come back to God. I knew nothing would be okay w/o him and God being okay. Well that man now goes to church more than I do. And last week he put out there that he has really been praying about what God would have him do. I was done yall. I was mad and hurt and just done. But I still see him in songs and in day dreams. I still see him in the role he was meant to stay in. I was kind of mad because I wanted to be done and I just could not stop thinking about him, then he tells me he has been praying about our family. So dang it! God, I have prayed that for how many years!!!
Anyway I am not questioning it I am not analyzing it I am not even really talking about it. I am going to be still and wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080

7 comments:

Deborah said...

well sorry for the FB comment b/c i didn't know all that! :) you know i want the best for you and just don't want to see you get hurt. i know how hard it is when things don't go exactly how you envision it and so you don't always see what the heck God is doing! It can be very confusing! I pray the best for you and Harry...whatever that might be!

The Cannon Chronicles said...

Wow, your world is just crazy night now between kids and school and work. I can't even imagine throwing one more person into that mix so hats off to ya for being understanding with Harry. Good luck with the semester! Tell my little E man I love him and miss him!

Cyndi said...

Swim honey, swim. I will lift you and your family up in my prayers that you have the stregnth to swim and go with the flow that God has for you. None of us know what testimony God has for us. All we can do is keep going and wait at the same time.

The Light's, party of 4 said...

Your load is obviously heavy, girl. I will be praying for you and clarity in all of it. Your kids will be fine and great. My mom went back to school when I was young and it was hard, but it was for our whole family and I never questioned her love and care. I know your kids will get exactly what they need from you. You're a super duper mom!!!

Jeanne said...

You are so ready and able to do this! When you feel like giving up....just call me, um, no wait, call Natalie :) She'll keep you going! :) Now about this Harry business........well we'll just have to let time tell! You know I love you and your little family too! Keep chuggin little engine! "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!"

Denise said...

Wow girl - busy busy!! That's funny that Ethan likes that you have more homework than him. Ha! ha!

Ang baylis said...

Keep being obedient, Lori!
Keep Praying.
Keep Believing God.
You are doing great! I recently heard a Pastor talk about a person drowning. When someone tries to save them, they need to relax, (or they will both go under), and not fight the person trying to save them. Your Savior has everything under control. Keep trusting Him!
I'm Praying for you.
Love you,
Angie xoxo