Second chance

I have been thinking a lot lately about second chances. Remember when we were kids and if we messed up we'd just ask for a do over. I know everything in my life, that maybe I would like a do over on, God has used to help me grow and help me learn, and sometimes even teach me to fall. So while I am thankful for his grace, I like to reflect on my do over list.
I wish as a young girl I would have known what great treasure friendship is. One true friend is more important than any clique could ever be. So for my do over I am going to teach my daughter what the word friendship means.
I wish I had never been timid about praying with my (ex) husband. So for my do over I am going to teach my son the power of a praying man.
I wish I had told some friends who are gone how much they meant to me. So for a do over I will tell my friends now I love you and you mean the world to me. My life is one of the richest because of the ones I call friend.
I wish I had not sinned so much toady. So for my do over I am going to wake up in Gods grace, receive his mercy, and try it all over again.

Oh no she didn't

I think as women sometimes our own insecurities destroy our filter. We say way to often the first thing our insecurities bring to our minds. Most the time it's the thing we think will help us feel better about ourselves, all the while making others feel bad about themselves. My friend Jeanne told me a great quote she heard from a wise man (Bob Eubanks). He said, don't blow someone else's candle out in order to make yours shine brighter. I thought about that for a minute, and then said even better blow your own candle out so they can shine alone.
As women we can be so jealous and just insensitive. I knew a woman once that really could barely put food on her table, but she had a talent for stretching a dollar. Most of her shopping was done at the sav-a -lot grocery store. In one conversation with a few girls they asked her in almost admiration, how do you do it. So feeling proud of her talent she told them. One responded "oh I could never shop there, that store is dirty". The woman's pride quickly turned to shame. I wonder if that is what the other woman wanted. I would take a guess into her life I bet she likes the best of the best, kind of that "keeping up with the Jones's' thing. I bet her husband fusses about her spending. I think the woman's thriftiness made her jealous, and with jealously rises up a need to boost our own self worth.
We need to be really careful of the words we let out of our mouths, we need to be really careful that the habit of insensitivity does not become our character. Often the first thought that comes to mind is that flesh response that we should lock away.
Take advise from the grandparents "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing". And from the bible
EPH 4: 29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.

And let it start with me!

mission field

I used to think I wanted to be a missionary. Go to some unknown country and feed little kids and tell people all about Jesus. But why would I ever think I could do it there, and not do it here.
I got myself a big dose of humble pie today. There was a girl I went to school with that I ran into a few times, because our kids go to the same school. She was always a bit off, I knew from what it looked liked that she had a really bad addiction to something. So most of the time I avoided her. How bad of a missionary would I be, or a lot of us be. We want to take care of the normal and the clean, and the ones most like us. We/I want to stay in my box or my safe zone. We want the world to change, but we can not just watch it change we have to be a part of why it changed. Our churches can not be a place for only the saved and the clean, our compassion has to extend beyond our circle. If it is work and effort and a hassle for us to be there for people then Good, we're probably doing it right. I am reminded today of the place in the bible where we are told to pick up our cross and follow Jesus, and what that means to me. The walk Jesus took carrying his cross, it was so hard he could not do it alone. He was so tired from that walk he could barely stand at all. Pick up your cross is not a metaphor of comfort and easiness.
The girl I mentioned passed away. She was 29 and had a five year old son.
Dear God help us all to see those around us, really see them. Help us to allow God to love them through us, help us be willing. I pray when fear tries to win out it'll be silenced by love and compassion. Help me to do better on this mission field.


Okay so after giving Jeanne a hard time about needing a new post, I seem to have blogger block.
Every time I go to write I can't seem to think of good positive stuff to write about. So I will just go by my blog title and write whatever comes to mind.

I spent some time today thinking about days past. And things I have come out of, good times and bad. Most of my reflection time was in the car on the way to pick up my kids. When the kids got in the car, as always I asked how there day was. Elissa then began to explain how she is no longer friends with a certain girl because that girl called her other friend a geek. That story went right along with my reflection. As kids and teenagers we seem to be very nonchalant in our meanness. We pick our best friends and make others know they are not one of them. We do our clubs and clique... We judge others and gossip up the phone lines. Only as adults do we seem to see the damage that does to others, or do we. Why is it in a church some are made to feel needed and others made to feel unseen. I understand we have our core friends, even Jesus had 12 core buddies. But I think we should drop the cliques at church and make sure everyone feels seen. I know what it feels like to feel unseen in a room full of people. I stopped going to church a long time ago, and not once did anyone call me to see why..... But believe me when I say I am okay with that in fact I am glad, because God put something new in me from that hurt. He put a realness in me, that has changed the very core of who I am. And let me clarify, I don't go to a church right now, But I do have fellowship and teaching, and I have daily moments that strengthen my relationship with Jesus. I have just taken the four walls of a building out of the picture. I hope one of these days God will place me at a church he wants me, until then though, my church is mobile. I wish we could just get a glimpse into the heart of the least of these at any given church.
And so what did I tell Elissa about her and the outed friend. I told her the only way to change someone is to be the change you want to see. It's good to stand up for your friend, and it's also important to be a good example to the name caller...