Don't jump

How long will we live on the ledge mentality with God.
I have lived a good part of my life on that ledge. Keeping everyone guessing if I am really going to stick with God. At least in my heart that is how I lived, maybe know one knew it, maybe everyone thought I had it all together. With each trial sent my way I felt this is going to be the one, this is that push I need to give up on God or a life serving God, rather a life needing God. It started so early I remember being a little girl feeling like whoever could bail me out of some things then I would run with that life. Then as the choice became more clear and more mine, I always wondered if a life without God would be easier, and on more than several occasions I tip toed into that side. I got enticed and I even sought on purpose, things that I knew that would not bring any glory to God. I got so close to the ledge I could begin to feel the wind from the fall.
Well After a childhood full of secrets, a teenager lost in chaos, the twenties searching for love, a woman who lost that love, a mom going it solo, I stand here today far from that ledge. I find myself sitting somewhere in the arms and safety of Gods love. I find my self more in Love with God then i ever thought possible. I find myself thankful for a life on the ledge so that I may fully understand a life that did not jump. I know when I could almost feel that wind I know it was God holding me in place when I had lost the will to fight. I can say with confidence I know I'm loved and I know God has a good plan for me, and nothing can separate me from the love of God, and I will choose nothing in my life will tare me from God
See Friends if satan can take us out to that place all of our focus is on ourselves, on our choices, and his best weapon is an ineffective child of God. If he can make you doubt Gods love for you and Gods call on your life, oh man he has done a great injustice to you. And you are being robbed of peace, of joy, of life.
Galatians 5:7 says: You were running a good race, who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth 8 that kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.
Don't let the enemy cut in on your race!
Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
The ledge is no longer a place of choice it is now simply a place of reflection


We just got home from hanging out with Jeanne and her crew. All was great until Josie decided she wanted to play with Ethan(which I so love to watch my son with little Josie), leaving Elissa mad. So in her anger she hid something of Ethan's.
So on the drive home I was telling her you should not react in anger, and just because you do not get your way etc....
I decided since it was Ethan she took it out on I would let Ethan decide her grounding. Now I know growing up if my brother had the chance to ground me I would be left only allowed to breath. So he thought for a minute and announced "well I pick that she is not grounded" Oh the grace that flows from that boy. Elissa then says "I have one thing to say to Ethan, I'm sorry"
Kindness led to repentance.

press on

I love watching movies about how we used to fight wars. In the line of fighting you could be in the war but not in the battle yet. Then when it's your time to be that front line, you can either fight or you could retreat. Often I have felt like I can forget that I am in a war, a war to keep satan from having any say in my life. And when I am undeniably in the battle I feel the desire to retreat, and the need to press on.
I am reminded today that the battle is real, and the decision to stay is hard, but it is so worth it to fight. Their are things in my life that I have wrestled with and I have began the battle only to retreat at the first easy way out. I am tired of this fight, I dont want to start over anymore, I want this time to be the time I press on and move on.
For now I would like anyone who reads this to pray for strength and for wisdom for me, I'll tell ya more later

in the word

Okay so it's Saturday, but I won't be around on Sunday.
Since I had success with the flip open method last week lets try again.....

create in me a pure heart. O God
and renew a steadfast spirit with in me
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me

Well that just makes a great prayer. The part the really stuck out to me was restore the joy of YOUR salvation. David did not say the joy of "my" salvation. Gods children need to find out what the joy of his salvation offers. we need to go beyond our box, and our idea of relationship, lets go deeper.

God has so joy for us, so many promises to fulfill, so much peace to offer. That takes me to the verse in Matthew 7

11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

God wants and delights in giving good gifts, you are his child, whom he loves....

Bask in some worhip if you have time.... Let God wrap his arms around you, dance with your father for a while.. This song is like 1o minutes long, this is just four minutes of it (and the last minute is black on purpose)

show us your Glory

I just got back from an awesome time with God. I went to a revival going on in my area. It's been going since like March i think. Some have decided it's their calling to tell others it's not God, or true or whatever. The main guy has a past that would shock the socks off anyone. It's funny that anyone would judge a man for his past, so much of our life lessons come from Paul in the bible, HELLO the guy used to kill Christians. Or have ya read what David did? God does not look for perfect people. And I just tell people if they are seeking a man, they will get the man, seek God and you'll get God. Actually the reason I finally decided to go was because this amazing worship leader, Heather Clark, was going to be there. (that's who you should hear playing) I was just hungry to soak in Gods presence through some great worship music. It was beyond my expectations, the presence of God was heavy and full. It was overwhelming that so many people showed up to seek God, people of every race, and different countries, different classes, different religious ideas, different needs, different stages of life, but everyone had a bite of the same freedom.
I saw little kids with their hands raised praising God, it was beautiful. God used Heather to love us, and to bless us as we sang to him.
It was actually kind of disappointing when the music stopped. The message was good, but sometimes I fear that we really think we (man) have to be involved and in control for things to transition correctly. At one point it was said that God needs us to take it to the nations, it just kind of bumped me the wrong way. God does not "need" us. We know from the old testament he can use a donkey if he wants to. We know from Paul, he can send an angel, To moses he can use a bush. We should never become so sure of ourselves to say God "needs" us, no friend he wants us, we've been invited, we get to be blessed enough to share a great and mighty gift. Our lives are better because we let God use us where ever he will. God wants you!!!! God chose you!!!

getting in the word

The title says it all. I just posted a comment on the siesta fiesta blog that I really need to get in the word more. And since I love to blog, why not combine the two. So I am going to try to post something from the word every Sunday. I am going to try to have a "just flip it open" moment and see what I get... here goes..... Ohhhhh that worked out well....
I flipped to 1Corinthians 12:14-30...go ahead and read it, I'll wait.

I think it really goes well with what I posted about us wanting what someone else has. It is again about the pit of insecurity. God never wanted what he led us to be, to become a weapon for the enemy to use, to use to tell us we are not needed, or important. That is not a God given thought pattern, it's a pit and a stronghold that needs to be broken, it is a lie for the one who wants nothing more than to destroy you.

The verse that stuck out the most was 26
It is again about getting to a place where we can truly rejoice for the good in others lives without have a pity party for ourselves. It is a hard battle to defeat that self centered thought life. I know I have not done it well, When I went through my divorce I found it hard to be happy when someone would tell me they were getting married. I have come along from that way of being. But there is another side to that verse. When one suffers we all suffer. I think as a church we have to make sure we are leaving our comfort zone to really be there for others, to lift each others up in prayer. I was thinking about Jesus when he was close to death and he asked his Friends to pray for him, but they kept falling asleep. I know I fall asleep alot when I should be more vigilant in praying for others.

Happy Birthday ETHAN

What a day!!! My baby boy turned nine today. We had a day full of fun, friends and awesome laser tag.

Where in the world did nine years go. So today's blog is all about Ethan.

I remember one of the first moments I realized what an amazing character Ethan has. We were at a park, I think he was five and a large group of kids joined forces and were all playing together, Ethan fit right in and joined the fun. Then he split from the frenzy of kids because he saw one little boy sitting alone, He came to me and asked "mom can I just play with him, so he wont be alone". And He has been that type of kid ever since. He has no problem putting others before himself. He takes it on himself to make sure everyone stays happy. His compassion is way beyond that of a nine year old. I love that little man.

Since Ethan is my first baby he was the one to hit places in my heart that were undiscovered until he was born. Since I am adopted, Ethan was my first blood relative, it was amazing to have that for the first time. He softened me, and shaped me, I am a better person because he is my son.
When Ethan was one I took him with me on a church retreat, and I remember singing a third day song, It was about God Sending Jesus to die for us. I looked at my son, and in that moment I was humbled and brought to my knees with the reality of Gods gift to us.
I Love you Ethan!!!!!


There is a song by Jennifer Knapp called “refine me”
(it's here on my blog scroll down to playlist if u want to)
That song stuck me hard today. It says:
I come into this place
Burning to receive your peace
I come with my own chains
Wars I fought for my own selfish gain
You’re my God and My father
I’ve accepted your son
But my soul feels so empty now
What have I become
Lord come with your fire
Burn my desires
Refine me
Lord my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Refine me
My heart cant see
When I only look at me
My soul cant hear when
I only think of my own fears
They are gone in a moment
You’re forever the same
Why did I ever look away

Wars I fought for my own selfish gain! How many times do we enter into needless battles. How many times does God send us a red flag that we ignore. Today was one of those days where I had the flag and I understood the battle. I really felt like I could see down the road I was thinking of, see some of the pits I would be asking for. So I think it is amazing that there can still be a choice. But around every turn it’s there, there is the straight road and the left turn or the right turn, a temptation to, just for a moment take our eyes off God, and a moment to just give into that selfish desire. Fear seems to lead the way off the road so many times, if it’s not fear to the left, it’s pity to the right. We get down and begin to feel sorry for ourselves, making a turn off the path seem like a quick fix for a broken heart, or a tired soul. Temptation is never going away, actually the closer you get to God the more Satan will throw at you.
I am asking him toady for a boldness for him
Lord I pray you refine me