just thinking

Sometimes I feel like I really live two different lives. I have my christian friends and my non christian friends.(and of course there are those friends who are just my peeps who cross the lines of any lables, the ones who make it easy YOU know who you are) My non christian friends know I believe in God and they all know they can talk to me about anything anytime. And they are very very aware of how imperfect I am, and that is fine by them. I think I may be myself more around them, I never feel judged by them nor do I feel like I judge them. Sometimes in the christian circles I find myself feeling judged or not good enough. I feel like there are facades we all must wear in that circle. Logically as Christians we should be easy to be friends with and logically we should be the most "real" of all the people, and the last the very very last to judge anyone. If we are a christian then at some point we admitted we are a sinner and we need Jesus to forgive us many many times a day. If we believe in Jesus we believe in his way and his way was love. I just wonder if I, who knows who i am in God, feels like I don't belong within christian circles how much worse is it for someone who does not Know. I just wish we could see how we make others feel. Most of us deep down do know, because we talk about the ones out of our circle within our circle. There is a story told about gossip in the movie doubt that was perfect to my point. The short of it was a woman spoke falsely against someone and went to the priest to repent, he told her she was forgiven but to go to roof and cut open a pillow and tell him what happens, she came back to the priest after cutting the pillow and said there was feathers, feathers everywhere, he told her to then go find every feather, she said she could not because the wind carried them and she did not know where they traveled, the priest said and that is gossip.
My inperfections are many, and I am going to be real about them, and if this circle or that circle judge me for it then so be it. We will never get to a point of being able to truly help each other, if we can not get real with each other. How many plans of the enemy would fail if we had the freedom to be honest, if we had a Jesus kind of love to carry us through. How many pits could we avoid if we could just say "I'm jumping in help me"

A dream realized

Along with most of the country I watch ed as the 44th president was sworn in. I don't think I have ever been so proud to be an American. The part(well one of) that had me in awe was the benediction given by Rev. Joseph E. Lowery. This man who along side Martin Luther King had once marched the streets of Washington, asking his country for equal rights. This man who could not eat in a restaurant, ride a bus in the front, could not vote, could not see a movie or wash his clothes at certain laundry mats. A man who faced police lines with eyes of hatred looking back at him. He saw the dream and he believed we could get there, without violence, without hate, he believed good would win and Justice would one day be for all. We did it! No matter your political opinion, no matter who you voted for. Our country hit a huge turning point.
I love history, I love reading about the civil rights movement, and I could not help but smile as I watched history in the making on January 20th 2009.


Well Friday my grandmother passed away. It was sad for Ethan and Elissa, they lost their granddad on their dads side last year, so they have asked a lot about death and heaven. I was torn on taking them to the funeral, but they both wanted to go so we did. It started out like most do, they played some sad southern music and one of her daughters said a little something then her grandson my cousin got up to preach or something like it. OH MY GOODNESS I did not know people like him were real. First let me tell you their is a huge rift in our family and the ones who cause the problems are the "Religious" ones. They are religious and racist, with I say is an oxymoron. Any way Daryl began his rant with "Now I have to say first I love you all and I am not here to be ugly but what I say may step on some of your toes" Okay my advice to anyone bringing a word, if you have to apologize for it, don't bring it. When did Jesus need to apologize. Any way he went on to tell everyone everything from being the devil's children to the sin of shacking up, even calling out homosexuality, said something stupid about if God has not whooped you then you aint no child of God, you belong to the devil. Oh yeah and you can only read the king James bible (Oh the blog I could do on that issue). So finally I had enough, and got the kids and walked out. I had a flash back to a church I grew up in and if you tried to leave the pastor would call you out, I wished he would have done that, because I would have had a lot to say. I kept looking at some of the faces in that room, one of which was a cousin with his pregnant girlfriend, and the thing is i know the pain he has had in his life and this "pastor" telling him he is the devil child, what good does that do him. Nothing in that word had an ounce of love in it. It was a choose God or Hell, where is the choice in that. Jesus is more than your get out of hell free card. He is the lover of your soul, he is the one who never leaves you, who never runs out of love for you, the one who believes in a thousand second chances, the one who you do not disappoint, the one who believes in you and Cherish's you, knows every thought in your heart and loves you still. Anyway on our way out I say the pregnant girlfriend, and she asked if I had had enough too. I told her yes and that I hope she does not think Christians really act like that. I got the kids in the car and I was worried about what all they took in. I told them that what that man said was not how God wants us to talk to to people and then I asked them if you want people the know God what do you do, They both answered "YOU LOVE THEM" If kids can get it so can the rest of us