i need a......

(Grab a snack it’s a long one)
How many times do we as women get jealous over other people’s relationships. Everyone knows that one person that everyone seems to be drawn to, the girl everyone wants to be friends with. It’s funny that in our pursuit to be that girls friend, we pass up a lot of girls that are wanting to be our friend.
We have got to get out of the popularity and clique mentality. I would like my prayers to be, let me be a friend to someone, let me be someone somebody needs. Often we see who we want to see and seek what we want to seek, our motives are not always bad, but not always right either.
In the movie “hope Floats” Sandra Bullock’s character was talking about how she knew she losing her husband, how at his functions she never fit in, how the women there were always surveying the room looking for someone better to talk to. Man, I have felt that so many times in my life, I still have times of great insecurity where I just know I do not fit in, the difference for me is I have come to a place of getting my security form God not from man. But I also get to use those feeling to make sure I do not survey the room for someone better to talk to. That is an ugly side to us that needs to be worked out. We are jealous that we are not part of certain circles, but how many are we rejecting out of ours. We are mad, so in so did not invite us to whatever, but who did we invite or who did we leave out. What about the ones you exclude, when you are thinking about how hurt your feelings are over not being included, are you thinking of anyone else who feels that way, maybe even who you have made feel that way. Sometimes the way God fixes our hurts is to point out what we can change in us. Especially in the area of friendship, I just can not image a good fix to that hurt being you getting “the one” to be all about you. It would make more sense for God to use that to help you and sister “really forgotten” to meet and be to each other what you both seek, a friend. But she is not what you are seeking, she may not be someone you think is not dare I say good enough. Granted we would never say that, but we feel it in that hidden place. So we have to get our idea of good enough aligned with Gods idea, and we have to take our focus off ourselves and on to him. We have to leave the pity party and rise to a new challenge. Someone is hurting worse than you and they would relish in the fact that you include them and care about them.
I really think it all comes from insecurity and jealousy, which are both real damage makers in girl world.
I posted a while back on wanting to be someone else or have what someone else has. Again I just want to say if we want to be them we are asking for all their, hard times, sad times, times of conviction, times of depression, times of sin, times of repentance, all the times that got them whatever blessing you are wanting to steal. And I bet it is hard to be on the receiving side of jealousy, I think if you are a person who has to hear how great it is to be you, I think it begins to rob you of the freedom to walk in Gods blessing. No one should be made to feel bad for what God has done for them. A pastor I heard once spoke about that, how so many people came against her because she had a nice house and nice things, she finally asked them “well have you ever bought someone a house, cause I have”. The point is we really don’t know what a person has been through, or what kind of obedience has been required to get them to where they are, and simply wanting their “good Life” is just asking for a short cut in our own life. A short cut will not lead to Gods fullness in your life .
I think we do that to others because we have that spirit of second best, that never quite good enough, that forgotten mentality. Well, If that is true God could lift you to place of having everything sister sue has and you would be left still feeling not good enough, nothing man has, no amount of money, no husband, no kid, no job, no ministry, no talent nothing is going to get you there…..That is a place of peace and knowledge that only comes form God the father. And he loves to give good gifts and friend Knowing God loves you and knowing you are wanted, knowing you are good enough, is a real good gift.
So let the greatest Friend you seek Be God, and let him lead you to the rest.

I will/he will not

This past weekend was full of so much fun and so many emotions. The word Beth Moore had for us was at times overwhelming. He is my portion and I am his. I think it was extremly eye opening to just how much God almighty loves us. Each of us, the same love. After hearing that message on saturday I was at the mall in San Antonio and was fixing to sit down to eat in the food court, and it was packed. I just took a quick glance at all those people and thought, wow God loves and longs for each and every one of them, each of them has an inhertiance if they will take it.
It's been passed around a lot lately how the world is turned off of church often because of how they are treated or judged at church. Even in our awesome time this weekend there was at least one person who felt let down, felt left out. And I think it is okay and sometimes helpful to feel that. Don't get me wrong we have to be sure to do our part to be there for people and to reach out when a need is presented. But to that person who feels let down, God can speak volumes to that place. He is the one who will not let you down. He is the one who longs for you, and who delights in your searching for him. He see YOU in a room of 10,000 people, in a world of millions, he sees YOU. He wants you, and only he can fill that place in you, that desperate place for love and acceptance. Man will not fill it, man will more than likely break it further. God loves you so much and if you will just learn who you are in God as Beth said you will no longer walk in a room with your head down. Because belonging to that love, what can
man do to you!

siesta fiesta

Wow what a weekend. I along with Jeanne, natalie and Jill flew to Texas to attended a Beth Moore conference, and meet with fellow siesta's from Beth's Blog. Fun started right away with a plane trip full of turbulance and skip bow. We landed (roughly) and had just enough time to freshen up and get to the first night of the conference. It is always exciting to see what Fresh Word God has given Beth. I am not ready to post on her word yet, it was deep and I am still taking it in. After the confernce we were hungry so we pretty much went to the first resturant we saw "steers and beers". I got a big ole texas steak...

Anywho after a night of no sleep we got to the morning conference...more worship and more of an amazing word. A life changing word. And the first day I went ahead and got brave and chased down a lady that I was so excited to meet Ang, And thank goodness God set that up because after the first day I could not find her again. (Ang that was not enough time with you)

For every event I tried to do my hair and as soon as I would step outside That darn texas humidity had it's own plan. After the conference on Saturday we had a chance to take a picture with Beth had her daughters then had a question and answer time. First my girl Jill got to ask Beth a question, she talked to BETH MOORE, and Beth called her precious....(and she so is)

Jeanne and I kept trying to get a turn at the mic but that did not happen.

After all that we went to mall, and then did a little sight seeing. That night Jill and I attended a party with the other bloggers. I must admit I was nervous about that, I like the blog because I am free to write it all day and not have to do the person to person stuff, and now it was time for the two worlds to collide. Jill was the first to find a seat, and I followed her, God must have lead her to that seat, because all the nerves I had were diminished by the ladies there. Two of the ladies were from texas (heart of service and mocha with Linda) and man they were funny and sweet. And the other lady there was Racheal. Now let me tell you it takes me a long time to warm up to person enough to really be myself, well it was like I had known Racheal my entire life. I just can not explain how much having her there meant to me. I just like her so much. All of the ladies there were awesome, Kim and Patty who put the whole thing together were just as nice as I thought they would be. Fran was as welcoming as I thought she would be, and the same of melinda. Lisa was one of those people who really listen to you and who cares so deeply, love her. Boo and Big were amazing. Nesha was so sweet. Emily made me cry and she is just beautiful. Everyone kept telling me someone was looking for me but they could not remember who and I was looking for Emmy, it was almost time to go when we literally bumped into each other,(thanks to mom to 11) she was the one looking for me, but she was looking for me with long hair. Everyone said that about my hair, but I never thought I would meet these peeps, so I wanted my best shot on my profile! (but I changed it girls) Finding Emma topped off a perfect evening.

It was just too great and I loved every minute of it.

I love that I shared it with great friends! So thank you Jeanne, natalie and Jill for going with me.

see ya sunday

(2peter 1:5-9)
Many of our churches today are distracted from it's purpose, many Christians are distracted from their purpose. Jesus died for the sins of this world, he's trying to get us to see the sick, the hurting the lost. As a christian at some point you have to stop looking to be
fed(Hebrews 5:11-14) and look for who you can feed. No one is going to find a perfect church, or a perfect pastor. If I am not perfect I should not seek perfection in others. I would rather be a part of a church that understands inperfection and that understands the need for God's grace.
Satan wants to distract us, and he does a good job most days. If he can get the church and it's core members to fight, then he has distracted them from the extended family God wants to bring to that church, you are distracted from adopting the hurting, you are not offering a place that offers love and forgiveness. If he can convince you it is you job to tell everyone what is wrong with them, satan is getting use out of that not God. Our purpose as a christian is not to keep the "me" in front. I am not to constantly bicker about what is not making me happy and about ways to better satisfy me. The character of christian is what can I do for you God? Who can I love who can I help, how can I serve you, how can I bring peace to this situation? WHO can I cover? Who can I tell about The love of Jesus, who can I love?
As a woman I really do get why Paul would tell the women in the church to be quiet. We tend to be the ones to stir up trouble, and to talk behind someones back. I am not saying men are not guilty of that too, I just know in my corner of the world it tends to be more towards the women. I guess if we searched hard enough it all circles back to insecurity. And that can be a source not an excuse. Girls we have got to fight to get past jealously, insecurity, gossiping, we have got to put off our former self, and be made new in Christ. I remember when the WWJD (what would Jesus do) phenomenon broke out, and while I am not suggesting you strap on your WWJD bracelet, the concept should not be lost. It's not always obvious how our "small sins" are actually big ones that are taring down the body of Christ. If satan played easy to get or fair, he would not catch many of us in his traps. But he is tricky and deceitful and distracting. I know I fall into some of the same traps daily. I am noticing more and more how I tend to what to know everything, not so I can pray about it, I just want to know. If I listen to gossip I am guilty of gossip, therefor guilty of tarring someone down, the one I am listening to and the one I am listening about.
Ephesians 5:21 says submit to one another out of reverence to for Christ.
Paul knew our own will was not going to always be one of peace so if you can not get along naturally do it out of respect for God.
And to start doing better I would just study the word and obey even if you don't "feel" like it.

Ephesians 4 Unity in the Body of Christ
1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


Usually when I sit down to blog I have everything I am going to say all planned out. Well not this time, I know I want to write just not sure what about.
Today would have been my ten year anniversary, if things had turned out different. I have thought about that a lot today as I watched and listened to couples around me. I wish sometimes I could tell people, that they are chipping away at their chances of staying together, with the way they treat each other. Spouses snap too quickly at each other. Your Friend can tell you something and you act one way your spouse says the same thing and your attitude shifts. Why is that? What allows simple respect to escape our communication with one another.
I love the show John and kate plus eight, But every time I watch it I get nervous that John is going to tell kate it's over, because of the way she talks to him. Often her biggest complaint is not that Jon did not do something but that he did not do it her way. I remember those days of being mad my ex did not help around the house, then when he did I'd go behind him doing most things over again. Why do we do that? I just hope if I can pass on any lessons learned, it would be to really examine how much respect you give your husband. I would encourage you to focus on building him up, and not allowing your self to become so comfortable with him that you think you have the right to talk down or harshly to him. Because the fact of the matter is, that marring him did not give you that right. I know you are gonna fight, I just ask you examine the language you choose to let out.
When a believer gets married Satan would love nothing more than to turn that marriage into a distraction from God. And for satan if he can use one believer to tare down another, I bet he delights in that. You are your husbands best weapon for being a better man of God, if you can love him and build him up.
And you single gals out there, don't let satan use that fact to distract you from God either. God can do great things in you now and you are not "waiting" for Gods will to begin it has begun, live it to the fullest.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

rendered powerless

I woke up from a dead sleep the other night. Tossed and turned for a while and could not get back to sleep. Finally I said to God what do you want to tell me. The words rendered powerless came to me, then I was back to sleep.
So I have thought about those words everyday since. Am I rendered powerless?
Here are a few definitions of rendered
to transmit to another : deliver : give up, yield to give in return or retribution give back, to give in acknowledgment of dependence or obligation :
And powerless
: devoid of strength or resources
: lacking the authority or capacity to act

Have I given up authority on something, or do I need to give up something?
About a month ago I was on my face before God and I felt prompted to sit at the computer with a blank page and just ask God to speak to me, I would type whatever I felt and when I was done I had to read it because I really could not remember what I had typed. This is what He spoke to me that night

I am worth it, I am for you. You need to worship me, I want you at any time to be able to worship me, I can not be hidden in your life. I can not live in a place that does not want all of me all the time. I can not heal you if you don’t let me, I can not give you rest or peace until I have all of you. I am all you need , I am. You are loved with me, you are safe with me, you are all you need to be, you! I am like your tears, you fight so hard to not cry, and you fight to not let me shine in you. I will use you, I will move in you, you are not only good enough, you are chosen . I have already choose you, and I am waiting on you to choose me. I want you

Sometimes the world and life hits us so hard we often begin to loose sight of the fact the God is powerful and full of ideas for our lives, full of paths for us to be on at just the right time, paths that will lead us to be used for him, chosen for such a moment.
Being woke up with words like rendered powerless, could be a chance to let satan talk about our worthlessness, but God has made those words beautiful.
And I love Gods irony rendered powerless, creates power!
Rendered powerless= to give up (give back) authority (power) to God, to admit we need God

Oh this mouth of mine

I am posting my "in the word" post early this week..
I Just have a Scripture on my mind and want to get out some thoughts.

20 Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. 21 When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. 23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness.

I know we have moments where we act as Ham did and moments we act as Shem and Japheth did. I feel a real urging to really check to make sure we are vigilant in covering one another. I wonder if Shem and Japheth encouraged one another to do the right thing, I wonder if Ham had an accountability partner at that moment, would he have chosen different. It is so important in our friendships to spur one another on. It is of no benefit to them or to us to simply listen to the gossip. Or to watch them act out without speaking up. And as a woman I know we got that gossiping mentality in us, we just want to know everything. And we do try to season it with grace by adding at the end of a really great story, "just pray for them". Speaking about so in so is not helping their race and it is slowing ours down.
I work in a place where all the time everyone is talking about someone, and most the time I just listen, sometimes I join in, but lately I have either walked away or even stuck up for the person being talked about. Which is so hard for me, because I cringe at the thought of confrontation. But I want to be effective in my walk with God, so i need them to see more than the fact I don't cuss or that I don't get mad or some other things they point out about me. I need them to know I would not talk about them or listen to others talk about them , and that I would cover them.
So just be on the lookout for not only ways to cover someone but also chances to choose to walk away.. from whatever...