I am still here

Well the semester is half way over. School is hard but good. Funniest thing is math is my best grade right now...I normally hate Math, but the teacher is so good at her job. Anatomy is kicking my gluteal.
On the home front ......Harry and I are finally there. After years of maybe's and never minds, we are both on the same page and we are looking for a place to live and he is looking for a job here, so we can be together. I am all "girl" about it and just totally smitten. It does make it hard to focus on school, so I think the quicker he can get here the better. It's funny how we have grown so much. I still have to work on the old communication skills and not let my mind make up the stories for me. But we are happy and I feel such peace in his arms, I feel like God is in control and he has gotten Harry and I to this place.

Anyway thats all for now!

a nice break

Just a few pictures from the weekend. Ethan had his first soccer game of the season. After the game we headed to Orlando. Elissa and I went to MGM for night of Joy. Flyleaf is her favorite band EVER. The problem is they are a lot of people's favorite band. So we got there early (2 hours early) and staked our our front row spot. She did great, did not complain even once. Flyleaf came out and I think she cried a little. She knew every word to every song. At one point the lead singer Lacey stood right in front of her and watched her sing. It was really cool. Sunday we woke up early and went swimming before checking out. On the way home we decided to go check out wonder works. It was the coolest place for kids I have ever been to. You can do everything there from feeling hurricane winds, landing a space shuttle, building and riding your own roller coaster, seeing how long you can keep you hands in water that was as cold as when the Titanic sank. You can lie on a bed of nails..and on and and on, three levels of crazy stuff. Anyway it was a great break from the stresses of life.

This is Pat, most of my pictures of him look like this
he rarely stood still. It was raining so I tried to
get pictures and still keep my camera covered impossible

just keep swimming just keep swimming

Three weeks into school now. And it is hard, really hard.
Time with my kids is not near enough, money is not near enough. But the classes are hard enough. The driving is insane. The homework is excessive. And I feel more alive than ever. I feel like I know the plan and I see the purpose and am excited to see it all unfolding each and everyday. My kids have been great. They miss me and it's hard for them but they understand and they encourage me to get my homework done. Ethan likes that he is done with his and I am still having to do mine. They really do understand that I am doing this for all of us. Not sure how the money thing will work out. I have had to give up shifts for classes, so I am pretty much flipping a coin to see which bill gets paid. Even that spurs me on, that's why my butt is back in school.

On another note!
When Harry and I spilt up five years ago. He walked down a path that he took on purpose to get away from God. More than I wanted him to come back to me I wanted him to come back to God. I knew nothing would be okay w/o him and God being okay. Well that man now goes to church more than I do. And last week he put out there that he has really been praying about what God would have him do. I was done yall. I was mad and hurt and just done. But I still see him in songs and in day dreams. I still see him in the role he was meant to stay in. I was kind of mad because I wanted to be done and I just could not stop thinking about him, then he tells me he has been praying about our family. So dang it! God, I have prayed that for how many years!!!
Anyway I am not questioning it I am not analyzing it I am not even really talking about it. I am going to be still and wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and so it begins

I am all signed up for 15 credit hours. Life has to change for the Behrs! My goal is a year of pre-requisites then next fall enter the physical therapy assistant program. I want to try and use this blog as a journal for the journey. I know it is going to be hard, but being a single mom is hard, going through divorce is hard, living on a servers income is hard. My support system is in place, and I know I will have the help I need to do this. Oh and Jennifer Light don't be surprised if I call you for some help in anatomy. So here we go!!!

On another note, my son can mow the grass now. He is growing up so fast.

Ten reason why

Hard to believe my Boy is now 10. So to honor that here are
Ten reasons why I love ETHAN
10. He would rather give than receive
9. He is the best big brother. He makes
sure Elissa wins as much as he does
8. He has a level of compassion that
amazes me.
7. He respects his parents, even when
he disagrees.
6. He plays with my hair, and likes to
snuggle, as long as I don't
call attention to it.
5. He plays with others very well. He
will almost always give his friends
their way, without being a push over
4. He is willing to work hard, and try
his very best.
3. He plays video games like a pro
But even better he has learned to
play madden so that I would play with him
(madden is football)
2. He loves everyone without regards
of color or handicap, or any other
thing others my look at as differences
1. Because ten years ago he woke my heart up
He showed me a world that was
closer to God than anything I had
ever known. Ethan continues to be a constant
reminder of God's goodness.

It's what i think

I think Florida is hotter than ever

I think it's odd that it cost 100$ for a doctor to tell you whats wrong and then 8$ to fix it.

I think if you think Jon and Kate should quit their show, then you should quit watching it

I think if you emasculate (to deprive of strength) a man one day he will leave you.

I think people should not eat out if they can not afford to tip well.

I think it is sad how many people want our President to fail.

I think christian radio plays 8 songs over and over.

I think Mary on So you think you can dance is too loud.

I think if you have not walked in someones shoes your opinion of them should be seasoned with Grace.

I think the "fitting in" issue never goes away.

What do you think


Elissa and I went outside to put stuff in the shed and there is a stinkin black snake that lives in that area. It always manages to scare the (word of choice) out of me. This time the thing did not run away and Elissa was freaking out and so that forced me to be brave and stand my ground while she ran to the house. So I shut the shed door and finished working. I came out to make my run to the house, and there stood Ethan with his sword drawn. "Where is it mom" He asked. He seemed mad that the snake had scared his sister and he was ready to put an end the tyranny of our black snake. My little man so brave.
The rest of these pictures are from an awesome place we found. All the inflatables in a 10,000 square foot building. Talk about a way to get your kids worn out. I love summer time adventures.


Today at church we talked about David. They had been studying David for a few weeks and today happened to be the part in the story where Bathsheba came into it. As we were reading about about the sin and and extreme ways David went to cover it up. It arises the question how can a man who slept with a married woman, got her pregnant and even had her husband killed to cover his own butt, how can he be the man after Gods own heart. I personally love that David is that man. He is no where close to perfect on an outward account, but he is a great reminder that it is our heart that gets judged. And David's heart was one that never stopped longing to be closer to God. He was a man "after" Gods own heart. He was after it, he was in pursuit of it. In the psalms even when David could not feel Gods presence, even when he felt God had forsaken him, he kept crying out, he kept seeking. He was after God.
We all have that David moment....When the enemy has us on the rooftops and he shows us our own emptiness. Even in a full and blessed life the enemy shows us that we just need that one thing. For David it was a woman, for me or you it's a different thing, but it's the same story. What is your rooftop temptation. Jesus himself stood on the roof with the enemy, he tried to give a king his own kingdom, so that's a good indication that he'll never back off of tempting us. Let's all be after Gods heart, lets all seek him, even when we don't feel him lets pursue him.

hand up or hand out

Recently I was in a group discussion about giving money (or not giving money) to beggars. At the time for what ever reason I sat silent without the need to express my opinion. But I sat and was amazed at the negativity that has infested us as a whole. One opinion was if a man has a sign saying he's a vet and asking for help, she'll not help because he could get government help. Another said they did not want to give a guy a hand out, due to fear of it all being a scam. At first I sat there mad at the thought of not giving money when we can, and how a pastor told me once that give your money to them and do it unto God, then let it go, if you got scammed so what.

But then I began to think about the large group of beggars I pass by every Tuesday. Sometimes I give them money sometimes I do all I can to avoid eye contact. Frankly when I do give them money I don't care what they do with it, if they eat they eat if they use it to get high so be it. Handing then a five dollar bill does not mean I care. I have no desire to go hang with them, no desire to hear their stories or to help them get off the streets. I mean I wish they could get off the streets but I am not going to do anything to make that happen. Time and lots of effort would be what would make a difference in their life, and I just think if we are not going to give them that, we should at least give what we can without our judgement or OUR expectations.

So next time you refuse to give that guy a hand out, ask your self if you are then in fact willing to give him a hand up. Are you ready to get involved and help him make better choices, are you willing to be his support system, are you going to help him get to an AA meeting and help him commit to change. If you are not quite ready for that then at least give the man a five.

Muddy Buddy

This weekend myself and three friends ran the muddy buddy race at the sports complex at Disney. The race consisted of you a partner a bike and a huge mud pit. It's seven miles long and at each obstacle you switch from running to biking, while your partner does the opposite. The thick sand and the Florida heat made things a little rough, but it was so much fun. After the race we all spent the entire day at the magic kingdom.....fun fun but I am ready to sleep for a week.

Oh a funny thing.... I was running one trail in the woods and my Friend Shelby was catching up to me and so she shouted out RUN BEHR (bear) so all the runners around her like freaked out, and she was like no that's her name... It was too funny
These last two are of the hotel we stayed at. It was the Disney all sports resort. It was very nice and only 70 bucks a night.

moving on

I really have nothing to say, but I don't want the last post to linger. So I thought I would just post some reasons to be thankful

My kids who are truly the best
thing about me. They are so good to me. And I
am honored to be their mom.

Jenny Cannon who has been so important to Ethan's education.
And who I am So happy to call my friend. Her heart
reminds me to keep on moving forward.

New friends who quickly became forever friends

For getting to be a part of the most amazing story, and a part of these lives

Blog friends who became real friends

some serious long term friendships, that have
gotten me through life's hard times. And who are in almost
all of my stories. From Deborah teaching me to squeal a tire,
to rollerblading with Ashley at 2am. Teninis With Jeanne,
and sirlynn (I think that was his name) Denise getting
me in trouble for eating chips on the school bus.
Six flag trips, sanibel retreats.

The fact that my kids get to grow up with other kids we love.

And while everyone in my life plays a signaficat role, right now I have to say I am so very thankful for Jeanne. Everyone needs someone or something to remind them to hold on to God. When the world wants you to give up and just quit trying, we need someone to remind us that God still believes in us. And we need to feel like we can show the worst side and still be loved, without judgement. We need a safe place.....Someone who makes us want to be closer to God

So see it's all good!!!!