if thats what it takes

I am really not sure what God is up to in my life. I feel like I used to feel at the start of my track races. Great anticipation, accompanied by fear of the unknown. Should I be in this race, will I be able to finish, what will every think if I loose, or worse quit. Lately I have felt outside of myself, I can feel God stirring inside of me and I can see the enemy's darts. Every time I think I am past something it comes around for one last right hook. And today I was not ready, and that right hook almost knocked me out, but wouldn't you know it, as I was falling I felt his arms so I fell without fear and just rested a bit, and soon I will get up. I will grieve this and move on. Anyone who knows me knows I just really don't cry, I get sad of course but the tears just don't come...But with whatever it is God is doing, all I can do is cry. I know I want this move and at the same time I am starting to see what I am gonna have to be giving up.. I know in hind sight I will be saying I am glad I did, but here now, living this moment.....I just feel powerless and defeated... I am going to do what God is asking, but I feel powerless to do so, He will be my strength. I really think after this I am going to be rid of some stuff that has been buried and locked and even forgotten.
Matthew 13:45 says the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 when he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and brought it.

I bet that merchant had some really great stuff, I bet he looked at some of his things and said man how can I let go of that. But if that's what it takes to have this pearl, I'll do it.

8 comments:

Jeanne said...

You are going to get through this an even stronger daughter of our sweet King!! I know it in my knower! I love you :)

ProverbsWomanWannaBe said...

Hey!!! I am so in Love with GOD!!! I just found you from the Siesta Blog site and WOW we could be twins (not physically) but your story and mine has ALOT of similarities...would love to chat. I am adopted, single mother of 2 great kids..financially in the pits and am bowing out of church for awhile!! Please please read my blog and get in touch with me. Will you be attending San Antonio (don't know how I am getting there but Amanda and the LPM bunch gave me tickets...)? Anyway MARANTHA and can't wait to meet you or talk to you.
In Christ
Kristin

Michelle V said...

You will come out stronger! God has been working on me lately as well, so I know what that's like! Phil 1:6 tells us "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Blessings
Michelle

jenmom said...

Lori,
Found you from the Siesta Blog! Girl are you going to San Antonio? I am asking because I am in Fort Myers Florida, Southwest part of the state. I like Kristin have tickets from LPM but am believing God to provide a way for me to get to San Antonio. I am a stay at home mom/pastor's wife, so money is completely a stumbling block.
If you are going email me. I don't know how far you are from me or how you are traveling but maybe we could be traveling buddies???????
Maybe we could talk and work together on getting to San Antonio. Anyway, please contact me.
Jennifer
jenmom1707@yahoo.com

beyond this moment said...

God is so good. I say this because A) duh, its obvious =) and B) because I could have written this post. God is good all of the time, even when we haven't a clue what He's doing with our lives.

Blessings,
Bethany

Anonymous said...

heard about you on siesta blog
Keep trusting. God is doing amazing things. Keep holding to him he will privide for all of your needs.

Marilyn said...

Hey there Lori,
I just said a prayer for you that God would hold you in His strong arms and comfort you until you feel better. He is working in your life.....I can feel it when I read your blog! The ladies in my Sunday school class can feel it when I read some of your posts to them after our lesson. You hang in there friend. God's on your side and He'll be there for you!

God bless ...
Marilyn in MS

Kate said...

...I meant it too...comeon down...or up...hee hee. We have a pretty neat group of about 7 or 8 Colorado siesta's that meet occasionally (like this coming Thursday woo hoo).
Can't wait to meet you.