just thinking

Sometimes I feel like I really live two different lives. I have my christian friends and my non christian friends.(and of course there are those friends who are just my peeps who cross the lines of any lables, the ones who make it easy YOU know who you are) My non christian friends know I believe in God and they all know they can talk to me about anything anytime. And they are very very aware of how imperfect I am, and that is fine by them. I think I may be myself more around them, I never feel judged by them nor do I feel like I judge them. Sometimes in the christian circles I find myself feeling judged or not good enough. I feel like there are facades we all must wear in that circle. Logically as Christians we should be easy to be friends with and logically we should be the most "real" of all the people, and the last the very very last to judge anyone. If we are a christian then at some point we admitted we are a sinner and we need Jesus to forgive us many many times a day. If we believe in Jesus we believe in his way and his way was love. I just wonder if I, who knows who i am in God, feels like I don't belong within christian circles how much worse is it for someone who does not Know. I just wish we could see how we make others feel. Most of us deep down do know, because we talk about the ones out of our circle within our circle. There is a story told about gossip in the movie doubt that was perfect to my point. The short of it was a woman spoke falsely against someone and went to the priest to repent, he told her she was forgiven but to go to roof and cut open a pillow and tell him what happens, she came back to the priest after cutting the pillow and said there was feathers, feathers everywhere, he told her to then go find every feather, she said she could not because the wind carried them and she did not know where they traveled, the priest said and that is gossip.
My inperfections are many, and I am going to be real about them, and if this circle or that circle judge me for it then so be it. We will never get to a point of being able to truly help each other, if we can not get real with each other. How many plans of the enemy would fail if we had the freedom to be honest, if we had a Jesus kind of love to carry us through. How many pits could we avoid if we could just say "I'm jumping in help me"


Jeanne said...

I'm sad reading this one. Convicted. Worried about people I've hurt that don't even know I hurt them because it was done behind their back. Yuck.
Then there are those circles, circles everywhere. Isn't it just annoying and petty? For real!
I sincerely hope I'm not one of the people you feel judged by. I love you.

Xandra@Heart-of-Service said...

This is one of the hardest things for me as a Christian. We often say the right things and act the right was around our Christian friends, but come away from a conversation feeling empty and somehow let down.

This was a great post, and I think your writing reflects the way many of us feel.


The Cannon Chronicles said...

Let me say that I've have too felt the same way about being judged. I want to also clear the air and make sure that if I have ever hurt you that it was never intentional. As women, it is good to be upfront about these feelings and thoughts so that we don't make more of an issue out of things than needs to be. Thanks for your honesty, it was good to hear your thoughts!

Jeanne said...

Thanks for the clarification with the parenthesis! Much better :)

Rachel said...

Right on target...as always!
Love it!

Deborah said...

we've all been there at one time or another. i feel like i'm in that place alot... :)

Nana Net said...

Your post is so true. It reminds me of a saying which goes like this...."Say what you mean and mean what you say."
That what ever you say you should be willing to say to their face. Not just behind their backs.
I guess that is why I personally am always speaking my mind no matter what the consequenses are. Which does get me into trouble. But I know that is what God wants me to do. Be honest and truthful!

Christy said...

Lori as you know I always love it when I see you have written a new post because I know it will be something brilliant and usually it is right on with the way I feel about certain things. This one hit the nail on the head. I feel this way all the time and for the most part dont feel I fit in any circle. It seems more difficult to be myself for fear of being judged for not saying or acting the way other think I should. Its one of the reasons I struggle with going to church, I know I need to go but also feel I dont fit in there with the people who go there.
Thanks again for a great post, keep them coming girly!

Ang baylis said...

That's why I love you, Lori! You are the REAL DEAL! I agree, we must be ourselves and not worry if we are judged. (I really enjoyed Doubt.) I find "gossip" is a tough one. I have to say, it's a sin I struggle with WAY too much! I love your posts, too!
Love you,
Angie xoxo

Yolanda said...

Sister, I'll be the first to tell you, I'm about as real and honest as the day is long. Why? Because I am living proof of 1 Timothy 1:15-16, my life verses....and to break down those walls and draw others to the only good thing that has ever happend to me that will effect my eternity is Jesus Christ.

Real or no deal....I'll take real every time.