Take in mind that I was joining this world from a life of chaos. College was to be my escape, my chance to be free from any pain that was still lingering. This college was like therapy on steroids. Everything inside of me, just began to swell up. I knew I wanted God and I wanted to feel happy, and I wanted to feel normal, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I reached out to certain people there and made some great connections, but I just got burned out on chasing God. Everyday in chapel felt like I was suffocating. Dealing with my need for God veruses my desire to run, was a battleing I wanted out of.
Soon I made new connections outside of school. I began to find easier ways to be happy. I could drink it all away, I could party without a care in the world. So I did. I wanted to fit in anywhere I could, and it was just easier to fit in with the party crowd. I not only fit in I was the life of the party. I had got to the point where I just could not stand who I was, but with alcohol, I was someone different, someone fun, someone who had it all together. I think to, it was easy to be weak because up until that time I had to be strong for everyone else. I did not want to be strong anymore, I did not want to remember sad times, I did not want to seek a God who never answered, I just wanted to be numb. The first semester at college God had began the healing process for me, I just took resisting to a new level. To be healed we have to admit we hurt.
Looking back that time is such a blur, I was so void, so lost, but looking back I was so looked after.
God let me run, but never out of his sight.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountians be shaken
and the hills be removed
yet my unfailing love for you
will not be shaken
nor my convenant of peace be removed
says the Lord who has
compassion on you
4 comments:
I love that verse and the fact that our sweet sweet Lord showed you He was looking after you. Love you
I can relate so well! I like this verse - I am going to "take it with me" today.
To know he's holding onto us even when we thought we let go is a good, good feeling. :)
Girl.
I read your stories and I just get excited, because I wonder what God is going to do with you!! He has already done so much and wow, you are still young. Wonder where you will be by the time you are 40? or 50? or 80! It's gonna be good.
This is the good part of God - he takes all the junk from our past and uses it to make himself look good.
My favorite story in the bible is the woman at the well, because when she came to the well she came at an odd time, when she knew there would not be any other women there to give her "those looks" that we women love to give each other. But Jesus was there. By the time he was done with her, she was bragging to everyone - Come see this guy who knows every thing I ever did! Now she is advertising all her sins - because only Christ can take our stuff and make us almost proud of what a mess we were - because the key word is WERE. Before we met him, we WERE a mess. Now, we are his masterpiece - created in Christ to do the good works he has already set aside for us to do. He cleans us up and then he USES us for his glory? How crazy is that?!?
I was just thinking tonight about a lot of the junk from my past, and how it used to cause me so much shame, and now I just see it as an opportunity to rejoice and praise him for rescuing me from it. I can't even recognize the girl I was, because he has truly made all things new!
I think you know what I mean, sister?
:)
Love, Missy
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