Many of our churches today are distracted from it's purpose, many Christians are distracted from their purpose. Jesus died for the sins of this world, he's trying to get us to see the sick, the hurting the lost. As a christian at some point you have to stop looking to be
fed(Hebrews 5:11-14) and look for who you can feed. No one is going to find a perfect church, or a perfect pastor. If I am not perfect I should not seek perfection in others. I would rather be a part of a church that understands inperfection and that understands the need for God's grace.
Satan wants to distract us, and he does a good job most days. If he can get the church and it's core members to fight, then he has distracted them from the extended family God wants to bring to that church, you are distracted from adopting the hurting, you are not offering a place that offers love and forgiveness. If he can convince you it is you job to tell everyone what is wrong with them, satan is getting use out of that not God. Our purpose as a christian is not to keep the "me" in front. I am not to constantly bicker about what is not making me happy and about ways to better satisfy me. The character of christian is what can I do for you God? Who can I love who can I help, how can I serve you, how can I bring peace to this situation? WHO can I cover? Who can I tell about The love of Jesus, who can I love?
As a woman I really do get why Paul would tell the women in the church to be quiet. We tend to be the ones to stir up trouble, and to talk behind someones back. I am not saying men are not guilty of that too, I just know in my corner of the world it tends to be more towards the women. I guess if we searched hard enough it all circles back to insecurity. And that can be a source not an excuse. Girls we have got to fight to get past jealously, insecurity, gossiping, we have got to put off our former self, and be made new in Christ. I remember when the WWJD (what would Jesus do) phenomenon broke out, and while I am not suggesting you strap on your WWJD bracelet, the concept should not be lost. It's not always obvious how our "small sins" are actually big ones that are taring down the body of Christ. If satan played easy to get or fair, he would not catch many of us in his traps. But he is tricky and deceitful and distracting. I know I fall into some of the same traps daily. I am noticing more and more how I tend to what to know everything, not so I can pray about it, I just want to know. If I listen to gossip I am guilty of gossip, therefor guilty of tarring someone down, the one I am listening to and the one I am listening about.
Ephesians 5:21 says submit to one another out of reverence to for Christ.
Paul knew our own will was not going to always be one of peace so if you can not get along naturally do it out of respect for God.
And to start doing better I would just study the word and obey even if you don't "feel" like it.
Ephesians 4 Unity in the Body of Christ
1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.