i need a......

(Grab a snack it’s a long one)
How many times do we as women get jealous over other people’s relationships. Everyone knows that one person that everyone seems to be drawn to, the girl everyone wants to be friends with. It’s funny that in our pursuit to be that girls friend, we pass up a lot of girls that are wanting to be our friend.
We have got to get out of the popularity and clique mentality. I would like my prayers to be, let me be a friend to someone, let me be someone somebody needs. Often we see who we want to see and seek what we want to seek, our motives are not always bad, but not always right either.
In the movie “hope Floats” Sandra Bullock’s character was talking about how she knew she losing her husband, how at his functions she never fit in, how the women there were always surveying the room looking for someone better to talk to. Man, I have felt that so many times in my life, I still have times of great insecurity where I just know I do not fit in, the difference for me is I have come to a place of getting my security form God not from man. But I also get to use those feeling to make sure I do not survey the room for someone better to talk to. That is an ugly side to us that needs to be worked out. We are jealous that we are not part of certain circles, but how many are we rejecting out of ours. We are mad, so in so did not invite us to whatever, but who did we invite or who did we leave out. What about the ones you exclude, when you are thinking about how hurt your feelings are over not being included, are you thinking of anyone else who feels that way, maybe even who you have made feel that way. Sometimes the way God fixes our hurts is to point out what we can change in us. Especially in the area of friendship, I just can not image a good fix to that hurt being you getting “the one” to be all about you. It would make more sense for God to use that to help you and sister “really forgotten” to meet and be to each other what you both seek, a friend. But she is not what you are seeking, she may not be someone you think is not dare I say good enough. Granted we would never say that, but we feel it in that hidden place. So we have to get our idea of good enough aligned with Gods idea, and we have to take our focus off ourselves and on to him. We have to leave the pity party and rise to a new challenge. Someone is hurting worse than you and they would relish in the fact that you include them and care about them.
I really think it all comes from insecurity and jealousy, which are both real damage makers in girl world.
I posted a while back on wanting to be someone else or have what someone else has. Again I just want to say if we want to be them we are asking for all their, hard times, sad times, times of conviction, times of depression, times of sin, times of repentance, all the times that got them whatever blessing you are wanting to steal. And I bet it is hard to be on the receiving side of jealousy, I think if you are a person who has to hear how great it is to be you, I think it begins to rob you of the freedom to walk in Gods blessing. No one should be made to feel bad for what God has done for them. A pastor I heard once spoke about that, how so many people came against her because she had a nice house and nice things, she finally asked them “well have you ever bought someone a house, cause I have”. The point is we really don’t know what a person has been through, or what kind of obedience has been required to get them to where they are, and simply wanting their “good Life” is just asking for a short cut in our own life. A short cut will not lead to Gods fullness in your life .
I think we do that to others because we have that spirit of second best, that never quite good enough, that forgotten mentality. Well, If that is true God could lift you to place of having everything sister sue has and you would be left still feeling not good enough, nothing man has, no amount of money, no husband, no kid, no job, no ministry, no talent nothing is going to get you there…..That is a place of peace and knowledge that only comes form God the father. And he loves to give good gifts and friend Knowing God loves you and knowing you are wanted, knowing you are good enough, is a real good gift.
So let the greatest Friend you seek Be God, and let him lead you to the rest.


Rachel said...

You've rendered me typeless (is that a word?). I have typed and deleted like 10 times now. Seriously, God has you ministering to me right now from a thousand miles away!

Sheryl said...


This is exactly what I needed to hear. So many times I feel as if everyone else has their friends group all set and I'm on the outside.

I must rely on God alone. I need to reach out to others and be their friend. I need to look for those in need instead of those who seem to be the most popular.

Thanks for the reminder.

Xandra@Heart-of-Service said...

"Sometimes the way God fixes our hurts is to point out what we can change in us."

Those are some powerful words, and they jumped out at me because we are studying the Sermon on the Mount in SS right now. I was preparing my lesson this weekend, and it focused on the verses that tell us to remove the plank in our own eye before removing the speck from our brother's.

We often judge others based on our own sinful behavior so we can feel self-righteous without the pain of repentance. This was a great post! I'm glad you didn't look for someone better to talk to in San Antonio!!


Jennifer said...

Hey Lori! You are so right! But I do hope that people say this about me..."she always made me feel like I was the only person in the room". I hope people think I care about what they say, when they say it. I have recently gotten to a point in my life where I really don't care what people think (about me in general or what I do), and I absolutely do not try to get in the "in crowd". I wonder if, at times, I seem unapproachable since I do hold back at first. I just hope I've been a good friend to all, and not just to my close friends.....I hope this makes sense....it was an eye opening blog :)

Jill said...

awesome...someone just this morning told me how much she loves reading your deep posts...how talented you were...how she is so blessed by your words.I just smiled and took the compliment. I am glad I could receive it on your behalf. And now I pass it on to the owner. Oh, good word sister, good word.

Jeanne said...

Don't you know I've always wanted people to feel loved around me? I'm so very glad you've posted this! Such a true and thoughtful word. Love you

Deborah said...

am i going crazy or did you post this before and then took it off??? very good word...i have been on been on both ends of the spectrum...feeling like the person i was talking to really didn't care what i was saying and probably doing the same thing. not a good feeling either way. thanks for bringing this sort of behavior to light!

Ang baylis said...

I loved this post. I am always surprised that it doesn't matter how old we are, we are all the same. We are teenagers who need to feel love and accepted by our friends and the pain of rejection never gets easier. I pray I can be that friend to others around me, too! Thank you for this amazing post!
Much love, Lori!
Angie xoxo

What's Going On In Our World said...

Lori, as I have told you before, I am simply amazed by your blogs. They speak a thousand words to me in every way of how I need to be or how I want to be... You have a true gift. I love it when I see you have written a new one!

Michelle V said...


I love this post! It reminded me of something Beth Moore said in SA. She told us to quit trying to be someone else and then she said......I promise, God did not call you to be her! It was funny but true also! You are so right about the friendships and I admit that I still struggle sometimes when I feel like I don't fit in, but I remind myself that this is not my home. We will all feel out of place here sometimes because our real home is in Heaven and we're not home yet!


BethAnne said...

Preach it sister! I found you thru Fran and I loved this post!!! It is true - all of it from feeling left out to needing to depend on God alone.......I love this!!!

Profbaugh said...

Oh my Lori!! This is a good word for sure. Thanks for sharing it. Timing is perfect for me.

Much love,

Fran said...

Well, i'm typeless too right now.
I know EXACTLY what you are saying.
Some of my greatest struggles are fear and insecurity. Its a big fat drag.

Be blessed and be that precious amazing woman GOD created you to be. And, remember...you are an heiress of God.

I love ya!

Melinda said...

What a great word! This is SO at the heart of women and our relationships with other women - we are so driven by our insecurities.

However, I'm with Fran - we are heiresses of God! We can be secure!

You are such a treasure!

Cyndi said...

You should write a book.....seriously.

Emmy said...

I have had you on my heart all day! I am so glad God put you on my heart because I came over here today to write you a note and received a huge blessing! What an awesome post! I love your heart and insight Lori! Just beautiful and real! I love your transparency!

Man I struggle with insecurity! (Big Time!) I could sit for hours and talk about this! God has freed me in so many ways but I have so many left to go! Wish I knew how to type better... cause I have so much I would love to say about this! Thank you for sharing your heart! : )

I pray we all can realize that we are His beloved...we are His chosen, redeemed, sought after, holy, dear, precious, beautiful, delighted in, daughters, His radiant bride! Heiresses! How freeing would it be if we could grasp that at the deepest level!

Lori said...

Thanks for sharing your heart..this has given me much to think and ponder, I appreciate this. :)